20th July'08

This is the day we really settle down once and all for without anymore Question to each other.. I went to his place and waited for him after work, he came back around 12plus midnight i still wait for him. I just want to explained myself and wants him to tell me the truth one more time.
He said he like the gal as a friend. He asked to go find other guys to get myself attached.. I just don't have the mood to and i tell myself i just want to be single. I cried until he was back home.. i was behind him at his house staircase, he saw me with an angry look. he just doesn't want to see me anymore just wish i could disappear immediately.
His parents came out and talk with me, asked me to go into his house and talk about it.. i went to his room and he was watching tv while eating snacks.. he must have been very tiring after work.. I didn't actually understand his situations yet still want him to explain things to me.
Why am i so selfish towards him, towards his life.. we are no longer couple anymore why am i still controlling his life and who he loves. I felt miserable after hearing he scared me terribly, i msged him 100 over msg and keep calling him while he was working.. why am i doing this to him, he is just working and what for i am doing this to make his life miserable? he needs to breathe too.. have to cope with his final year , working , his own friends and his lovely families too. I am just part of his the circle of friends.

His parents talked to me , console me in a very good way which i can't stop myself from crying.. he was upstairs .. i was with his parents downstairs.. his dad said, love cannot be force must be two party agreed to be with each other and that's called true love. If one of the party love him so much while he dun have anymore feelings for the gal. what's the point of forcing him?
he might turn out to be mad one day if this wun stop. I din't say anything and i have nth to do. Just keep silent. Inside my i just want to really apologised to him for all this things i have done the past few weeks after since he broke off with me..
Perhaps we were meant to be together last time.. he said i am not his right gal for now but not sure about the future..
After hearing his parents, i couldn't control myself by asking his mum to called him and accompany me home as i drove.. he say ok and i walked off without seeing him. I just felt so speechless when i get to see him. I have done too many wrong things to him that's why he scared of seeing me and hear from me now. All my fault.

I drove off back home.. on the way i couldn't take it . i cried very badly and i stopped at this nearby bus stop and cried out loud.. that night really hurt me totally, never felt so hurt before.. showing how much i really do still love him. But he don't anymore..
He kept calling me i didn't pick up.. i am worried about him so i called him back asked him why? i am fine dun worry. he heard me cried very badly asked me where am i? and i told him i am on my way home.. he said why didn't i wait for him to send me home. I told him i can go home myself. And he sms me saying, " I really give up, and i Give in to you. I really dunno what to do now , and please dun do stupid things anymore., and he will give me another chance". I know i am forcing him to give me another chance. His heart is not with me now.. belongs to that girl he likes now.

I reached home and i called him and we talk through the phone, i told him " don't force urself to give me another chance", he said u have been forcing me to give you a chance and i dun want to. " He already like that girl , what can he do? when he said that my heart really breaks into half..
I really can't do anything and i just listen to him. I really love him and i want him to happy instead of having this miserable , scary life always. I don't want that to happen to him.

If that girl really can give him what he want, shower him with love, know what he likes and doesn't like knows well his temper and weird chararter sometimes, trust him and don't doubt on him i am really happy for them.
I know i really can't force him or say anything more to ask him to give me a chance. I know that.


No matter what he will always be inside my heart wherever i go.
:(